bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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