I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
