dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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