I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
how does that bad decision feel?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
