She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
