my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
