Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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