im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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