glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
