I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
