I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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