You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
