ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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