what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
