One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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