Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize