guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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