im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize