we have pet lesbian snakes
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and she was petting her beer can
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
