I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
