he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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