Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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