I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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