I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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