Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
