Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
