im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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