my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
