In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
