just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
