I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
