For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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