He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
