shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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