Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
