Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
