im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
