In the future we'll all be gay
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Randomize
