I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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