Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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