Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
