; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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