Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
