Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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