I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
