I need to stop coming to work sober
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
