im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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