her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
