Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's the barista slut.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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