I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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