Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
