I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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