All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
