She said her name was "party"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
