it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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