I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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