oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am mentally ready for anal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
