A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
