You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
