Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
