good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
