so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
