I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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