That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
