the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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