Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
