you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
