weddingsv make me drug and hornr
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
