ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
